The last few weeks have been hard for me. Despite learning something that has cut me deep I am getting ready to leave for a string of art festivals in Texas. I had a lot of doubts about even traveling this year. I struggle at times with imposter syndrome. At times as an artist I feel like I am creating beautiful worlds for people to fall into. And then in a second I can feel like I am faking it and not capable of creating again. I tend to let stress get to me. I take it out on people around me.
When you find something out that makes you want to break your promise to someone how do you handle it? Do you give up? Especially when you no longer talk to the person. How long do you hold out hope to be able to help someone. How do you help someone who is damaged, when you know you are just as damaged. When you make a promise you hold onto it.
You keep it. Even if it’s only being available if they ever reach out for help you have to keep it and always be willing. At least I do. I may never get the opportunity, but I know in my heart I am here and still think about them. I hope to be able to lend a hand someday again, have an open honest dialog. But if not I will be ok.
I am leaving inside of the week for Texas. I am really excited now that it is getting closer. I think the time, distance, the road, will help. I want to find my calmness even if I have to do it far away.
I have a lot of new work created from the most beautiful inspiration I ever had, and I am looking forward to sharing.
This is where the silence grabs me
As the darkness surrounds me
The promise you made me
I push through the night with solitude
As I listen to the beat of my heart
It echos in the night air
Creating worlds to pass the time
and dedicating them all to you
How do I keep my promise
Like my heart
I keep my promise and stand
In the silence with my heart
For you. As I promised